twenty five billion free running chickens
Currently pondering the logistics of creating a contraption to capture chickens safely.
That sentence is as far as I have got.
Turns out I know NOTHING about chickens other than they are awesome and I kind of want one as a pet.
So google is going to educate me.
Did you know that Chickens aren’t completely flightless—they can get airborne enough to make it over a fence or into a tree?
Kind of like a free-runner… they look like they’re flying sometimes.
There are over 25 billion chickens in the world.
How the hell did someone come up with that statistic?
Did they make it their lifes mission to count all the chickens in the world?
What a sad little life.
Who am I to talk. I am avoiding my dissertation by googling facts about chickens.
Boy chickens perform a little dance called ‘tidbitting’ to attract the ladies where he wibbles his dangly thing under his chin at her.
Boom.
Lady chicken sees him do his thing and likes the wibble action. Lady chickens sleep around says google.
Apparently its okay because if a lady chicken dons some beer goggles and bumps uglies with the wrong boy chicken who happens to be low on the chicken ‘pecking order’ (sorry) then she can eject his lowly sperm.
EJECT HIS SPERM.
Thats a pretty badass skill.
Like a super power some might say.
Also they are super because they can lose their heads and still live.
If thats not a super power I don’t know what is.
I have an image in my head of 25 billion free runnning boy chickens flirtatiously tidbittin’ to the ‘funky chicken’ beat whilst the ladies turn over their eggs and plot how to take over the world.
Okay I have GOT to stop procrastinating now.
Some people are notorious for certain things.
Sometimes those things are cool things.
Like free-running, holding a hot dog eating record or belching the alphabet.
My friend H is notorious for something seriously lame.
She is notorious for vomiting in stupid places.
Here are a few examples…
on a bar maid
in her hand bag
on her boyfriends foot
on her bed
in her own lap
in her mothers outstretched hands
Relax dear friends, for she has proudly informed me that she has never vomited in a foreign country.
Ride on
peace in the random
There are people who make you feel absolutely at peace with yourself.
This is not to say that these people are peaceful at all, it is not a reflection of their character but your own.
These people possess a particular trait which just flows from them so confidently that it inspires you in one way or another.
In this context, this person absolutely tears my life apart (in a great way). I end up doing really random things like falling asleep on rooftops, scaling buildings, playing in kids playgrounds drunk at 3am, hijacking lonely orphan christmas trees, rebuilding bedroom furniture they’ve been dump tackled through, turning mundane places or things into the most entertaining and interesting of places/things… Like the day we turned John Lewis into our own personal playground.
I find peace in random. The craziness actually anchors me….
It makes me feel like I’m actually living as opposed to just being alive.
Thanks for being an epic friend S
P.s. take your shitty cake back it tastes of mouldy arse
This is a cake that just appeared at my door. But do not be fooled, for it is far more than just a cake.
It is a guilt cake.
That’s right. A cake of guilt. A cake purchased in the name of embarrassment and ire.
A cake brought to my door with the sole purpose of placating me into a false sense of cake happiness and thus perverting my mental state into one of forgiveness.
My dear opponent.
How you nearly bested me with your cake distraction plan.
For it would have succeeded and you would have triumphed had you purchased and delivered a cake which did not test my regurgitative skills.
